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i ate too many chocolate-covered ice cream bites, and now my tummy hurts. [30 Jun 2008|10:06pm]
so, now everything i draw somehow includes genitals. sometimes genitals are requested by my clientele, but often i just throw them in for good measure. a sort of fleshy consolation prize.

today i wore the shirt i most recently did for drought in front of my mom, and she wasn't so much offended as deeply disappointed. i think it just drove home the fact that i will not be using my illustration degree to draw cartoons for the new yorker.

so far, most kids who have bought the shirt have done so without realizing there is a well-groomed snatch on it. it's better that way, i think.

right now i'm in the process of drawing three more shirts for various bands: a punk kid drinking bleach, an intoxicated, middle-aged man playing a broken guitar whilst being naked from the waist down, and planes crashing into the black flag bars. none of which were my ideas, but it seems that my people just know how to find me.

i move to baltimore in two months, and i could not be more ready. last weekend at dudefest, my time was inundated with companionship and fun, and coming back here i realize how alone i really am. also i can't work at the olive garden much longer; i'm starting to get chronic dehydration from spitting in people's manicotti.

i'll end with a sticker i made up for the band girlfight. this is the original version, before they made me find a replacement for the joint (because of a straightedge band member or two.) i don't blame them, but i will always prefer the joint version.

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y'ok. [15 Feb 2008|12:09am]
so here is my most recent shirt design for deathright:

i'm pretty happy with it. i like it when people just give me some vague guidelines and trust me enough to produce something good, rather than explicitly telling me what to do with absolutely everything, and then nitpicking about every detail that doesn't match up with what they initially had in their head. my obvious disdain for situations like this should let you know that it happens FUCKING CONSTANTLY.

started my job training a couple days ago, and i'm drowning in morons. so far i have heard the word 'entrepreneur' used instead of 'connoisseur,' as well as 'meek' instead of 'bleak.' not to mention the constant 'it don't' and occasional 'yinz guys.' i am also revered as the most smart and talented trainee ever because i didn't melt into a puddle of turds when prompted to do a practice wine recommendation for the manager.

when the manager realized i have tattoos on my arms, he said, 'if you would have joined us at any other time before this, we would have had to relocate you to a position in the kitchen, but we've decided to enact a policy that will allow you to just roll the sleeves of your uniform down instead.' i love that they act as if the toothless dirtbags that come in there are going to be offended by someone with tattoos serving them 'an ice cold and delicious italian margarita.'

i got a horizon kompakt. this is one of the many recent incidences of me spending money i don't have. $88 on vinyl, $180 on a camera, and it's only going up from here. no offense to grandma and grampa, but i am counting on you two kicking the bucket pretty soon and giving me all your money.

oh, and, happy fucking valentine's day. my mom got me the beach boys greatest hits, i got her a medium pizza with mushrooms and onions. this is what i am giving you:

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feel like poopin'. [26 Jan 2008|07:32pm]
i always complain that i have nowhere to go and nothing to do, but normally when i am invited somewhere i end up flaking and not going. well, this week rock7steady invited me to eat some vegetarian food at her friend's house, and i actually went and had a fun time, as exhibited here. now i have another reason besides project runway to look forward to wednesdays.

i am having second thoughts about writing in this (see entry title), so, uh, two of my most recent t-shirt designs are behind the cut. ogle, please.

bunnyblood and plague doctorCollapse )
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day 5. [09 Jan 2008|12:54pm]

i went to a show in blairsville a few days ago and got some decent shots. some came out a little too psychadelic for my taste, but oh well.

watching other people get tattooed is incredibly depressing, especially when you have half-finished doodles on your body that need to be finished in another state.

put in applications several day ago, still no word. i'm thinking i might sell my eggs. fuck kids.
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happy fucking new year. [07 Jan 2008|10:53am]

the above picture was taken this past summer, when i was oblivious to the fate that would soon befall me.

three days ago i moved back in with my mom until the fall when i can start school again. this obviously has its pros and cons.

pros: free rent, free food, once i get a job i will be considered a pennsylvania resident again and be able to get in-state tuition to tyler (if i am forced to go there.)

cons: absolutely zero friends nearby, my mom's incessant nagging, shitty job, hearing daily/nightly about my friends in cincinnati and pittsburgh who are doing fun and interesting things. plus, i am so depressed about all of the aforementioned 'cons' that the supposed 'pro' of productivity has been completely irradicated (leaving just 'ductivity,' which is not even a word.)

so now i will definitely have time to update this. i swear next time i do it will be wittier; once my horror has turned into disgust, and i begin to have a sense of humor about that disgust.
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[24 Jul 2007|03:35am]
i am alive, but just barely.
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dethday. [09 May 2007|03:25pm]

1) today is my birthday.

2) i am moving home, against my will.

3) i am a bad person, but i don't feel bad about it.
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fuck fox news. [25 Apr 2007|09:32pm]

i am sending this to someone in florida who i've never met before, in hopes of getting something awesome in return. i'm also sending a letter, mix cd, and various other trinkets. i'm excited about this.

i am going to make plenty more little portraits like this of my friends in the coming weeks, i think. right now tyz is next in line.
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this year has gone to my head. [14 Apr 2007|07:08pm]
tonight i'm going to be having a serious talk with someone i really, genuinely like, and hopefully nothing turns to total shit.

i got a tattoo on good friday and a piercing two days ago. i suppose body modification is a healthy outlet for my inner turmoil.

i really hope i am making the right decision.

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snap decision. [02 Apr 2007|01:05pm]
i just had my ass handed to me by the educational system.

in a nutshell:
i must decide today, before midnight, whether i want to stay here in cincinnati and attend school for five more fucking years (to get a degree i could get elsewhere in three), or drop out of school and accept the fact that this has been two years and $50,000 down the toilet.

so, okay everyone, i finally get why you all hate college.

thank you, university of cincinnati, for ruining my fucking life in more ways than i can count.

EDITED AT 7:44 PM: after doing some research on pennsylvania schools that offer graphic design, i realize that it would be about six times more expensive to go to school in pa for four years than it would be to stay here for the additional five. looks like i'm going to be in school for seven years to get a bachelor's degree. fuck beaurocracy.

but at the very least, i get two more free summers.

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this song is also about sharks. [23 Mar 2007|04:26am]
i decided to leave pittsburgh to see giant squid (who were fucking excellent), and rusted_bone_saw tonight. in about an hour and a half, she will have left for californ-eye-aye.

i am currently sitting alone in my house. what was alissa's room is now my living room, and the rooms that once belonged to dylan, devin, edwin and carly will soon be occupied by four graduate student weirdos i have never met, who claim they like to 'work hard and play hard.'

so far this year, every quarter has been so drastically different that it scares the living crud out of me. i'm like, living my life, mary tyler moore style, throwing: caution to the wind, my hat into the air, and a farewell party for my friends and once-shattered self confidence.

how many people's lives can you say you've legitimately ruined? so far my tally is at one, and it doesn't feel as validating as you might think it does.

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daddy death day. [17 Mar 2007|11:15pm]
spring break, take your top off.

i left cincinnati on thursday morning, after staying up until 6am writing a paper on a book of poetry entitled "baptism of desire," and then sleeping a mere two hours. red bull is fucking disgusting, but taurine is a modern fucking beverage marvel that makes me feel like i just took a hit of speedball out of gael garcia bernal's pinky fingernail.

i stopped in pittsburgh for two days on my way to my mom's house, but it was not necessarily the days that were excellent. i now realize that i am a creature of the night.

when i got here, i got three new tires for my car, a haircut, and a newfound appreciation for my cat.

those are my new glasses. i wear them when i feel like shit.

now i only have three people waiting for me back in ohio. fuck everyone for leaving me.

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trinkets. [11 Mar 2007|09:59pm]
[ mood | i'm a loser. ]

so i've spent this weekend a) getting dissed and dismissed, b) dissing and dismissing, and c) gathering trinkets.

a) got blown off for the third time in a row tonight, and now i'm sitting here eating leftover edamame and my roommate's abandoned thin mints. of which i inadvertently just ate ten, and i feel ashamed. but they's so delicious.

b) i've had a lot of big, long, depressing, frustrating, life-altering discussions this weekend. i love everyone who's put up with me being frigid and whiny as shit, and sorry to everyone i met for the first time, awkwardly, while i was crying on the phone.

c) and now for the fun part, trinkets.Collapse )

and finally, my phone rules, because i dropped it, a piece broke off, and now it looks like this:

around 25% of the time when someone calls me, it flops closed and hangs up on them. i've temporarily solved the situation with duct tape, until the side with the electronic connections in it starts to give way, and sparks start shooting out of it and my hair catches on fire.

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[07 Mar 2007|07:13pm]
i finally got around to looking at the site mentioned in this song title, and i am honestly feeeling a little gypped. what i thought would be actual corpses are actually just girls feigning death, and that just ain't right. also, you have to be a member to see full sized images of 'tastefully erotic death scenes through asphyxia, shooting, knives & more!'

however, as a vegetarian, i find the following image in no way tasteful:

erotic, yes. tasteful, no.

i really need to get working on a new layout for this piece of shit, but i already have enough distractions keeping me from completing other, more important and life-affirming tasks--tasks such as fabricating responses to thirty surveys about whether or not someone is 'hopeful,' and writing a paper based on the results. so honestly, what the fuck does this have to do with the sociology class you are teaching, professor nincompoop? ...and she really is. a nincompoop. in every sense of the word.

my mom sent me an email today, asking 'why did i never know about this?' if you'd like to know the one-sentence backstory, you may find it here, in my last official journal entry before ruining my life. it actually made it on the collegehumor website, with a 'national pick' emblem beside it, so i mean, one personal goal down.

also, i would like to take this opportunity to apologize to the journals i am currently lurking. i will continue to lurk you, and whether or not you deem me lurkable in return is your call. just know that i am judging you.

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first and foremost. [06 Mar 2007|01:25pm]
i miss pennsylvania. i honestly never thought i'd hear myself say that, but i say it more and more now. every time i go to pittsburgh i appreciate the friends i have there more and more.

maybe i just need to make some more friends here in ohio, but that's harder than it seems. i do know some awesome people already, though, as evidenced below:

nick (x2) and lynda.

and aside from john (link to one of my favorite all-time personal photos) and the people i live with, that's how far the reach of my friendship-arm extends. not that i wouldn't want to get all stretch armstrong on that shit, it just seems i've got no one to grab.

this week i have a final portfolio due for lithography, a final portfolio for poetry, a final project for photography, and sociological experiment to fake and compose a paper about.
really though, i'm most concerned with seeing pelican and russian circles on thursday, and perhaps seeing 300 tonight for free. fucking carnage.

anyway, i just had to get that shit out of my system. i'll get back to being moderately entertaining in this next post.

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mama's home. [04 Mar 2007|09:32pm]
this is emma, formerly known to the livejournal community as monster_milk.

now that i'm in a new state (in both senses of the word) i think it's time for a new journal. i miss venting digitally to strangers.

i'm sure i'm nothing but a blast from the past to most of you. please allow this blast into your into heart!

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